What If It Happened Today?

“You a Christian?”

“I thought I might be until I came here.”

“Wha's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. I was just answering your question.”

“No, you wasn't! You was intimatin’ somethin’ nasty!”

“I assure you I wasn't.”

“You a faggot?”

“Why would you ask that?”

“You talk like one — all edjucated and high-falutin’.”

“That's not necessarily a corollary.”

“Say what? You makin’ fun a’ me, asshole? I ought to blow your head off!”

“For speaking English?”

“That ain't English; that’s city-slicker. That's talkin’ above yor station.”

“Which station would that be?”

“Yor class, you idiot!”

“What class are you talking about?”

“Damn you, you Mexican nigger!”

“I’m neither, actually.”

“Then what in th’ Hell are ya?”

“I’m a tourist to your fair country and I ‘d like to buy some gas.”

“You got money?”

“Do you treat all your customers this way?”

“Listen, asshole, I‘d ask the Good Lord, hisself, iffen he had money before I‘d turn on this ‘ere pump!”

“I see. Yes, I have some of your currency. Here's a fifty dollar bill. That should be enough to get me where I need to go next.”

“Good Lord! What did you do to your han’?”

“Just got too close to a nail.”

“IN YOUR PALM??”

“Yes.”

“Hell, ya’ shore ain't much of a carpenter, is ya’?”

“No. Not anymore.”

“You better be out of these ‘ere parts by dark.”

“Oh, I intend to be. Believe in me.”