How is it that...

Little Questions Are Sometimes Big

“Mom, how is it that some people can always be positive?”

“Do you mean positive-certain or positive-agreeable?”

“I meant positive-agreeable. Seems the positive-certain aren't very agreeable and are most often the ones that are always certain they're right.”

“That might be a clue. Why are you asking?”

“I'm trying to figure something out. You see, I like the more agreeable people better and I want to have people like me but at the same time I don't want to be so agreeable I seem to have no opinions of my own.”

“I see. So, you think those who are agreeable have no opinions or thoughts of their own then.”

“Some seem to.”

“How can you tell?”

“I'm not exactly sure.”

“So you haven't seen an agreeable person expressing a thought?”

“Not as often as the ‘oh so certain’ sorts, no. In fact, I‘ve seldom seen the agreeable sort even raise their voice.”

“Ah, so raising your voice in a discussion or disagreement is expressing a thought, is it?”

“Sort of.”

“Does that seem reasonable to you?”

“Kind of.”

“Perhaps instead the voice raising could mean they're uncertain and feel their argument isn't strong enough. Like, maybe, they are losing a fight…”

“How so?”

“Well, the timid have backed away from a fight often enough that those who bully have discovered the threat of violence is often a win by default for them.”

“So?”

“So, raising your voice or your fist to another is often interpreted as a threat and those who avoid discord try to avoid such situations.”

“But what makes you say the bully feels like they are losing then if the other guy backs off?”

“I'm saying that when a bully feels the momentum shifting away from them they will begin to threaten. They think ‘might makes right.’ You've seen it on the school yard and it happens between countries and now you've seen it in real life.”

“But if it works…"

“Up to a point, maybe, but does it really?”

“When doesn’t it?”

“When the young ones like yourself recognize it and still want to be the agreeable sort.”

“But the agreeable sort lose.”

“Do they? Is that why you like them better?”

“No, I mean, yes, they do seem to lose and no, that's not why I like them better.”

“Why do they seem to lose?”

“Well, more folks follow those that are really loud and certain.”

“And does that make them the winners?”

“Seems to…”

“In the long run?”

“I don't know what you mean.”

“In the long run, I believe it is the idea that wins if it has legs.”

“Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“You've lost me.”

“OK, think of it this way, a good idea with good reasoning, say, a dream of something better and a plan to get there, in the long run will outpace all the loud certainties with no substance.”

“But we were talking about being agreeable versus loud and certain.”

“Ah, so we were, and I was thinking of who among my acquaintances are agreeable and who are loudly certain.”

“Are the agreeable that you know dreamers?”

“Some are.”

“But not all?”

“No, not all. Some are just agreeable to everything. They are timid and not willing to put their ideas out for others to scoff at. But those who are agreeable often are dreamers who have a clear eyed view of a better tomorrow for themselves and their families.”

“And the loudly certain ones who raise their voice and threaten violence to win arguments? What are they?”

“They, my dear, are often the ones who love the status quo. They think the way they want things to be should just be even if it uses up resources without replenishing them or even if it causes others great pain. They think things were better in the ‘Good Old Days’ that never really existed. They think we are not really all equal. Did you ever play King of the Hill?”

“Yes but I didn't like it. I never got to the top and if I had it just looked like even more fighting was involved.”

“You are a smart kid. That game is about inequality and there really are no winners in an unequal situation.”